thoughts on being full term


I am officially full term this week. I didn't expect it to but that knowledge is really messing with my head. Knowing that I could have her at any moment should probably scare me, but mostly I'm just so ready to not be pregnant that it doesn't. A friend who was due about a week after me had their baby this week, and it made me so jealous. She isn't pregnant anymore. That sounds like the most amazing feeling in the world. 

Then last night Tom and I were talking about how easy it is for us to let our relationship slip to the side amidst the busyness of life, and I got scared. What if her first few months of life are so hard that we neglect each other? What if we turn into one of those couples that can only talk about our child and we forget to love and laugh with each other. I need those moments with Tom so much more than I expected to. He is my best friend and when I go awhile without truly connecting with him it's hard. I don't think I fully understood that one of the hardest parts of marriage is really being married and not just coexisting through weeks of work and bills and obligations. We've definitely gotten better about that, but we're about to enter a new stage of all consuming craziness. What if we don't find the balance?

In light of all of these realizations, I woke up this morning determined to cherish these last few weeks. Yes, there are still things we need to buy and do and read before she gets here, but these are also the last moments where it will be just us. Though I may be 100% ready to not be pregnant, I'm not 100% ready for our world to revolve around this baby. I want to enjoy the slow mornings and quiet nights. I want to stay out a little too late and eat at the kind of restaurants you don't take a newborn to. I want to laugh and talk and connect with Tom now when it's easy, because in just a few weeks it's going to be much, much harder. 

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