look back to last year

This week's prompt from Sometimes Sweet asks us to look back a year and consider what we would tell our past self about what was to come. When I read Danielle's post I thought I'd have all kinds of insight to share with my twelve-months-ago-self, but when I actually sat down to write I realized that the exact opposite was true. 

These are a few of my Instagram pictures from 52 weeks ago. They show the fruits of our first garden, my first foray into baking, a beautiful box of thank yous I sent my mom for Mother's Day and some cards I made. These four little pictures say so much about where I was a year ago, both mentally and emotionally. I was in a really good place. I had just started this blog and a job that I absolutely loved. I was exploring new creative avenues and really, for the first time, believing that I was a "creative" person. I'd spent most of my life telling myself and others that I was bad at this or that, but a year ago I was finally gaining confidence to break through those walls and see what I was capable of. 

I lived in this space for a few months before life's responsibilities bogged me down. A new job and crazier schedule meant little time and energy for crafting and writing and exploring. An unexpected pregnancy brought with it sixteen weeks of unbelievable exhaustion and sickness that meant even less energy for the things I loved. Somewhere along the line I slipped into a mode of just surviving the day to day, and that's where I still find myself a year later. Only in the last few weeks have I been able to find renewed motivation to begin creating and writing and spending time on this blog. I've been taking more time to read and to interact with people. I've been making daily attempts to do something that actually fulfills me rather than just fulfills a responsibility. 

If I could go back twelve months and tell myself something it would be "don't lose sight of what you love." I would encourage past-me to make my passions a priority and not feel guilty doing it. I would remind myself to cherish the feeling of living each day inspired because it's so easy for it to slip away. I would tell myself to not make excuses and to periodically reevaluate how I spend my time so that it wouldn't take a year to realize how far I' regressed. 

Realizing that there's more I can learn from my past self than my present self isn't the best feeling in the world, but I'm thankful that this week's prompt helped me realize it. For the first time in a while I feel motivated to push through all the sadness and exhaustion that's built up over the last year. With you guys as my witness, I'm determined to push myself (and allow myself) to get back to where I was a year ago. 

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