the everyday

This past month has flown by. The day Lana was born I couldn't imagine surviving a whole month with her. Taking care of her while my mom was in town and Tom was off work was daunting enough. How was I supposed to do it when they weren't around? I never imagined that any aspect of motherhood would feel natural to me. Now, a month later, I can't believe how wrong I was. 

I cannot imagine any better way to spend my time than with Lana. As exhausting as being home with a newborn can be, helping her grow and develop is an overwhelming privilege. Before she was born I thought I would be in a rush to get back to work. I thought I would be bored and unfulfilled sitting around holding a baby all day. Nothing could be further from the truth. Even though it sometimes feels like all I do is feed her and change diapers, really every moment I get to spend with her is an opportunity to help her grow. Every day she's becoming more alert, making more noises, reacting to Tom and I in new ways, and developing her personality. It's unbelievable that I get to invest in that process. 

She is teaching me to sacrifice happily and love unconditionally. She has taught me to care and be patient in a way I've never managed before. She has both humbled me and given me a sense of confidence and purpose. I used to think that I would be just fine if I never had kids, that I wasn't the type of person who would take to being a parent. Again, I was so wrong. God knew that loving and caring for this tiny human would be the most inspiring and rewarding thing I could possibly do. He knew that it would draw me to Him, to Tom and even to my family and friends in a way that nothing else could. I can't believe how much I've seen myself change in just one month, and I can't wait to see where I end up after the first year or ten years. 

This journey is one that I was afraid of, one that I didn't think I wanted to even embark on, but just four short weeks in and I would say it is the best gift I could imagine. Having Lana in our lives has made them a million times better. Building this little family of mine has definitely been scary and exhausting at times, but I could not possibly be more grateful for them. 

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