being intentional about gratitude

I'm ashamed to say that I have done a lot of complaining in the last six months. About basically every aspect of my life. This is, honestly, just not how I pictured things turning out. I didn't picture myself living where I live. I didn't imagine I'd have a baby this early in life. I didn't imagine I'd even be married this early in life. I didn't picture graduating college and then working in food service while my husband works towards his masters. I hoped to not have to count every penny and just scrape by at the end of the month. I just thought that at this point in my life I'd be in a much different place. 

So, I've complained a lot. I've sought every avenue to try and change my circumstances. But here I am, all that complaining later and still every thing is the same. Except my attitude. 

This summer has changed me, and I'm so incredibly thankful it has. My complaining has all been, ultimately, rooted in me feeling entitled. Feeling better than my circumstances. I'm too educated to work fast food. I work too hard to have so little. I want to spend time with my family too much to see them so little. Basically, I deserve better. But who says? Who says that I deserve anything? Who says that I'm "too" anything? Because I don't and I'm not. The truth is that every single thing I have is an abundantly gracious gift that I have done nothing to deserve. 

The truth is that I'm blessed to live somewhere safe and afordable with neighbors alway willing to lend a hand. The truth is that I am so incredibly lucky to work at a place where I absolutely adore my coworkers and my bosses bend over backwards to accommodate mine and Tom's schedule so one of us can always be home with Lana. The truth is that Tom and Lana are unbelievably amazing gifts. The truth is that I have an incredible church family that loves better than any community I've ever known. The truth is that my life is so, so sweet. 

I'm learning that even in the hardest, most discouraging circumstances, there is beauty. This is a time in my life where I am graciously being taught to work hard, walk humbly and live simply. I don't deserve or even need everything I think I do, and I can honestly say that I'm thankful for that truth. 

So, I wanted to take a moment to document the little, everyday things that make up my world right now. Because they are truly so beautiful. 

My own space to express myself. 

Little tiny baby clothes everywhere I look. 

Lana's sounds filling the house. 

A house where we live a comfortable and cozy existence. 

The room to be creative. 

Our very first home a a family. 

Slow mornings in a messy bed with my favorite people. 

Life is not what I expected it to be. It's so much better than I ever knew possible. 

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