thoughts from a walk around the block

Tonight Lana and I went on a walk. Went we left I was feeling pretty good about a lesson I've been learning. By the time we got back I'd figured out that, as is the case most times, just when I think I've got it down God shows me how shallow my understanding really is.

Recently a friend gave my a book about prayer. I haven't finished it yet, but so far it seems that the central idea of the book is to pray big prayers and to pray them diligently. It suggests that we should circle our prayers like the Israelites circled the walls of Jericho. That we should have confidence in what God has promised and pray faithfully for them. Then on Sunday my pastor spoke about entering into every prayer with a spirit of thanksgiving. God has been twisting these two ideas together into something I can't seem to escape.

I should be praying big, hard, scary, exciting, impossible prayers, but while I pray them I should be not only content with my current circumstances but abundantly grateful for them.

That is HUGE to me. Right now it is so easy for me to feel justified in my discontent. It's easy for me to feel like people just don't really get how hard life is for Tom and I. So for God to say "I don't want you to just be content, I want you to be thankful" is just...huge.

So, back to the walk. Tonight, Tom is working and I'm spending another night alone with a sick baby. I was starting to feel the grumbles settle in so I decided to just get out of the house. While we walked God began to plant something deep in my heart. When I set out I decided to lay out the prayer that I'd commit to circle. I prayed that God would provide for us abundantly. That He would provide financially, emotionally and spiritually in a manner and measure that I couldn't even imagine on my own. Then I remembered His call to be thankful. So I began to thank Him for all the ways He has already provided. By the end of the walk I realized that I'd set out to circle the wrong prayer. I don't need to pray that God will provide for us, because He already has. The hard, scary, exciting prayer that I need to diligently pray for is that He would provide abundant thanks.

So, that's my prayer. That every day, every hour, every minute God would enable me to rest in thankfulness, knowing that it all things He is drawing me closer to His heart and, really, that's all I could hope for.

Also, Lana is planning a guest post soon. They grow up so fast.

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