i'm an expert on motherhood now

Lana will be five months old in just a few days, so I figured it was about time I share all my parenting wisdom with the world. Taking care of this tiny human for this long certainly qualifies me as an expert, right?? Alright, maybe not an expert, but I can speak with authority on the ways a baby changes your life. 

1. You don't need as much sleep as your baby-less self thought. Before I had Lana I used to get so stressed out if I wasn't going to get eight whole hours of sleep. HA. Now there are days when I function on five, four, ZERO hours. Eight hours is a luxury I don't see returning to my life any time in the near future. 

2. You're not actually entitled to peeing without interruption. This one came as a surprise. Here I was walking around pre-infant thinking peeing without a baby in my arms was an irrevocable right, like life and liberty. NOPE. Sometimes that baby is starving/tired/lonely/existing and wants to be fed/rocked/cuddled/payed attention to, and your bathroom needs are a mere inconvenience. 

NEVER LEAVE ME ALONE LET'S CUDDLE FOREVER!

3. Speaking of pee, it will be everywhere. One of the most common objections I hear to cloth diapering is that it's gross to touch/have to wash the contents of a diaper. Well, jokes on you because babies somehow manage to get said contents on EVERY surface of the house/car/world. If I wasn't busy doing the millionth load of pee stained laundry I might even be impressed.

4. Babies are not grown ups, and they're not going to behave like it. You might think this is a pretty obvious one, but for some reason it took me a minute to catch on. When we first brought Lana home I was determined to get her out into the world as soon as possible. I had this (CRAZYPANTS) idea that I should drag her all over town at three weeks old and she would love it. I think I was trying to teach her to be flexible and well behaved or some such nonsense. I have since learned that she's a baby, and I should just let her be one. One day she'll be old enough to behave, but until then her adorably fat cheeks totally make up for the fact that I can't party hard like I used to. 

LOOK I'M SO CUTE WITH MY HEADBAND AND MY SLEEPING!

5. Reading the internet is dangerous. One night I was up feeding Lana and wanted to read about if she understood that kisses were a sign of affection or if she was crazy confused about why I kept pecking at her face. So I naively Googled something about kissing babies. Want to know what came up? Stories about people with cold sores  who kissed their babies and then their babies died. Seriously, It was horrible, and I learned to stop asking the Internet for its opinion on everything. 

There are a million more lessons I could bless you with, but the inspiration for this post is waking from her twenty minute power nap. What are some lessons you learned in your little one's early days? Share the knowledge wealth!

No comments:

Post a Comment