25stories: Kristin

At 25 Kristin and her husband were living in Kentucky while he was in seminary. While he pursued his degree, she worked as a secretary at the school and took classes offered for students' wives. She had plans and dreams for the future, but at that time what she really wanted was to enjoy the seminary experience. Though they struggled with things like budgeting, it was a simple time that brought her so much growth.

Kristin and her husband dreamt of having a big family. She eagerly looked forward to the day she could stay home with their children. As they finished up at school and began planning for the future, that dream was put in jeopardy. Struggling with infertility, Kristin was forced to figure out what she really believed. She was a planner, and suddenly her plan wasn't working. The next two years were marked with uncertainty and heartbreak, and Kristin was challenged to respond in one of two ways. She could allow anger and bitterness to take root. Or she could believe and trust in God and the fact that He is good. Clinging tight to the latter, she began to release some of her need for control and rested in the fact that these trials were part of a plan.

Now Kristin is a stay at home mom of four seriously cute kids, walking every day toward her dream of having a family that glorifies God. The difference is now she knows that the path to her dreams is one she can only walk with God's grace. She's learned to turn to him sooner and to hold more loosely to her plans. Kristin has learned to be thankful for the blessings in each stage of life, even the hard ones.

I like to know how, when, and why things are going to happen. I also have a lot of strong opinions. When combined, these aren't very flattering characteristics. Many times I've found myself in direct contradiction with something I've said (i.e. "I will never have kids."). I think it's comforting to have control, to decide all the how's, when's, and why's of my life. But experience has shown me the exact opposite. It's taught me that I'm terrible at being in control. I don't have all the answers, I can't see the entire picture. So why do I think I'm capable of taking all the right steps?

The thing about letting go of that control is that it means I have to wait. I don't know what's coming next or when it's coming. I have to be patient, and that's not my strong suit. But it's those periods of waiting that stretch me the most. And the blessings that come at the end are greater than anything I could dream up. Though I want to figure out a plan and make it happen right now, there's so much more peace in letting go of that need.

In my 25th year I will rest in the waiting. 

25 Stories is a series I'm writing as I prepare to turn 25. I'll be talking with twenty-five women and then sharing their stories. I don't have much figured out about life, but I know that I learn some of the best lessons by listening to the stories of those around me. See more here

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